Is this post about A Christmas Story? Sure isn’t, pal. I hate that movie. 

Right. You knew this post wasn’t about A Christmas Story since the featured image is Charlie Brown. Folks, that’s called a red herring.

So, what’s this about then? Well basically I walked into the other room yesterday and my wife was watching Christmas with the Kranks. If you don’t remember it, here’s the trailer:

I remember this movie being bad but in a way that you wouldn’t mind having it on in the background around Christmas. Now though? Absolutely insufferable. I watched maybe fifteen minutes max and it was atrocious. Here’s the rundown of what I watched. 

Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis are driving home from the airport after dropping their daughter off for the Peace Corp (I think). They’re upset because everyone in lives goes nuts for Christmas and they’re going to be without their daughter for the first time ever. Tim Allen then comes up with the idea to go on a cruise instead of doing Christmas. In doing so they will save $3,000. Sure, whatever. 

Honestly, I was fine up until this point. But once they commit to the cruise and to saving 3k, Tim Allen goes off the rails. He goes to work and we watch him draft a word doc to his co-workers saying he won’t be participating in Christmas. He prints a million copies and goes around handing them out to all of his co-workers. Can you honestly imagine pulling this move off at work and thinking anyone actually cares?  Kick rocks – you’re on the dunzo list now. 

But guess what? His co-workers do care! They get all worked up because he won’t throw some garbage $20 gift to throw in the Yankee swap. These people can kick rocks too. 

The movie just continues on like this with everyone acting so over the top – it’s an absolute mess. The police come by his house looking for a donation, which he gives yearly, and he refuses since he’s “not doing Christmas.” Buddy, this isn’t a Christmas gift. These donations help the squad out for the year. He’s saving $3,000 and can’t give his usual $50 to the local PD? This guy is the worst. 

Then Dan Aykroyd comes into the picture as the busy body neighbor. He can’t understand why Tim Allen doesn’t want to go all out for Christmas so he decides his best course of action is to try and annoy Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis into doing Christmas. 

Dan Aykroyd – you stink in this too. And of course Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis don’t go out and talk to the neighbors – they just hide in their  house and hope it’ll all blow over.

Folks, do yourself a favor and watch literally any other Christmas movie…except Die Hard. That’s not a Christmas movie no matter how often that one co-worker tells you otherwise.