In 2019, we were delivered plenty of music down our chimneys. However, some of this music was wrapped up in a giant box with a beautiful bow and sparkly wrapping paper, and some of the music was big lumps of coal that might as well have been reindeer dumps, lumped into stockings when we didn’t even deserve it. Let’s see who’s on the Nice and Naughty List for music this year.
Tyler The Creator (Nice)
Wow, who would’ve thought the kid who coined the phrase “Kill People, Burn Sh*t, F*** School” would ever make Santa’s Nice List, but here we are.
Tyler dropped the critically acclaimed IGOR this year filled with absolute gems like “EARFQUAKE”, “I THINK”, “A BOY IS A GUN”, and “PUPPET”. It was easily one of (if not the) best rap albums of the year. What a redemption story from the former rebel-rouser.
Kanye West (Naughty)
Ohhh Kanye. You thought just because you stopped cussing and went all Christian you were gonna be a shoe in for the Nice List. INCORRECT. Santa hated your corny album. He wants that real nasty Ye that spits bars about how cool he is. Santa has to listen to wholesome jesus tunes year round in his workshop cuz the elves eat that up but on Christmas Eve, when our boy is all alone on his sleigh, he likes to TRAP THAT SLEIGH OUT. You we’re too much of a brown-noser this year when we all know Santa likes a red one to ride with.
Alternative Bands From High School (Nice)
Bon Iver dropped a fire album this year? Vampire Weekend dropped an all time album this year? Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes dropped a great album this year? It’s been like 6 years since these people were really hot in the streets. They were quietly being put on the Naughty List simply for not making enough new stuff but then this year they all decide to put out beauties? Santa is surprised and so are all of the other basic white kids who thought they were unique because they knew “Skinny Love”, but certainly not mad. High School bands, you’ve earned yourselves a Christmas of bountiful spoils.
Chance the Rapper (Naughty)
It’s funny he’s Chance the “Rapper” but we won’t even need a “wrapper” for his gifts this year, because he’s getting nothing but a fat lump of non-renewable energy in his stocking this year. What a massive let down “The Big Day” was. You make us sit through a 22 song piece of garbage with 2 Nicki Minaj features that made “Hot Shower” look like an OK song and you didn’t think you were gonna end up here? No. No, you’re gonna pay for this one. You’ll learn to get back to your ways and make projects as good as Coloring Book and Acid Rap and then you can get back on the Nice List. But only when you earn it. Only then.
Lizzo’s Music (Nice)
There wasn’t a whole lot of fun songs this year if you really think about it. The real big hits were songs like “Thank U Next”, “bad guy”, anything feat. Dababy, etc. and it was kind of a bummer. But you know who brought the fun? Breakout star of 2019, Lizzo. She just kept it coming with the heat. “Truth Hurts”, “Juice”, “Good As Hell”, “Water Me”, I could go on and on. We needed a boost of fun this year and Lizzo shoved it down our throats faster than she shoves a Postmates order down hers. Which brings us to the next thing on our Naughty List…
Lizzo as a Person (Naughty)
I really didn’t think this was going to happen but in the past few months Lizzo has SPIRALED out of favor, at least from what I can tell. I was all in on her. She was funny, she preached self-love, she was meme-able, I was all on board! And then, she doxxed a Postmates driver for “stealing” her food? Like literally called her out and got her fired? Because her Postmates didn’t come? Just so weird and unnecessary that someone that rich and powerful would feel the need to call someone out like that? THEN she shows up to the Lakers game in assless chaps, which I wasn’t really mad about but I guess everyone else got pissed about? And then that caused stupid fighting and headlines made for Complex on slow days. Just super annoying so yeah, you’re on the Naughty List Lizzo. Drop another banger though and I’ll be quick to forgive actions you might’ve done.
Gary Glitter (Naughty)
Yeah, just in case there was any confusion. The dude who made the song that the Joker dances down the stairs to? The scene everyone freaked out about? The song in the background was made by a known serial pedophile. Like I’m talking the worst things in the book you can think of for a sex offender, he did it. So yeah. Maybe let’s not gas this scene up. Maybe let’s cool it with praising how great this song was as a choice for this scene. Maybe we can all just collectively say, “hey Todd Phillips, woulda been cool if you picked literally any other artist, both because of the pedophile stuff but also it didn’t really fit the tone of the movie. Thanks”. Alright, glad we got that cleared up.
Future Funk (Nice)
That’s right. Future Funk rose to the skies like Santa’s Reindeer in 2019. Yung Bae especially was the Rudolph guiding the movement. This music is the kind of groovy goodness we were begging for in 2019. This year we saw global warming, gun violence, a crappy remake of The Lion King, and this genre of music was there to distract us just for a short amount of time from it all. You can’t help but dance to Future Funk, and Bae 5 is a great exhibitor of this. Put on We Came To Boogie and try not to bust a move. Impossible. If you know what’s up and like to feel good, get on Future Funk baby.
Huge Artists Not Dropping Solo Albums (Naughty)
Uhhhhh, hey Kendrick? Hey Kid Cudi? Hey Drake? Hey Frank Ocean? What’s the deal guys? Nothing this year? I guess J. Cole could go on this list too but at least he gave us the gorgeous gift of Revenge of the Dreamers III. You guys couldn’t even do a collab album of sorts? Just straight up stiffed us this year? Drake, you’ve plenty of time to text underage girls like Millie Bobby Brown and Billie Eilish but you can’t drop another “Nice For What”-level banger? Frank? You’re gonna tease us with “DHL” and “In My Room” and then go quiet for weeks without any updates? Kendrick? I don’t even know where you’ve been which is the worst part about all of this. You are all disappointing. Naughty List for all of you. If you don’t drop projects in 2020 we’re gonna have to create a Mega Naughty List or something. Clean up your act and get in the studio.
Also, I created a poll to see what my friends liked and disliked about the music of 2019. You can fill out the form from the link below, which I will also include at the end of the blog so you can still read the whole thing and then vote if you want.
I’m going to compile all the responses and do a list of my favorites but also a list of what the top responses were for each. I think this will be cool and hopefully get some more participation from all the people who like to contribute to the weekly Instagram polls. If you fill it out I’d really appreciate it, it’s been a weird stretch of blogs for the year but love the participation from people and think this will bring that to another level.