Hey Santa – Where’s My Wooden Horse?!

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Stop hoarding the horses, coward!

Yeah I’m talking to you, fatso. I know you’ve got the goods. Every time I see you or your ugly-ass elves in the workshop, you’re finishing the paint job on a pristine, new wooden horse. You even set up a creepy assembly line for the sole purpose of producing the damn things more efficiently.

But what do I find under the tree every Christmas morn? Videos games and clothes. Nary an equine effigy in sight.

If I don’t see an elegant wooden rocking horse waiting for me on December 25th, I’m grabbing my British buddy and we’re gonna beat your beard off.

And throw in one of those shitty train sets you’re always working on, too!

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