Columbus Day. Beer. Foliage. Beer. An extra day off. It’s pretty nice. Before you jump into your weekend, though, have you ever thought about why we take a day off for Columbus? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for not going to work but I just wish we would attribute the right man: Leif Fucking Erikson. That’s right, it was the Norwegian who first discovered the Americas almost 500 years before Columbus decided to drag his lazy ass out of bed and cross the Atlantic. In all honesty though, it isn’t the snub that grids my gears as much as it is the lack of consistency. America, it’s time to take a stand. We either champion the firsts or glorify the also-rans. But wouldn’t it really seem a bit strange to start celebrating January 2nd, John Adams, and Martin Luther King III? Answer: Yes, yes it would. So seriously: how exactly did this fraud weasel his way onto our calendars?! I say screw Columbus. It’s time to rectify this abomination and if I have to take matters into my own hands so be it. This post will serve as my start. Happy Leif Erikson Day everybody!
P.S. Leif Erikson Day already exists (October 9th), so we’re half-way there. Now all we need to do is honor the finders-keepers rule by downgrading that scumbag Columbus and bumping up Erikson to three-day party status.